WHY DO WE DO IT?
We are aware that raising the tone is doing no good. We do it in the confines of our homes where asia77 we won't get judged for it, but we do it anyway. As unbelievable it may seem when you read this, we really yell because we think, 'at least they'll do it immediately' and we won't have to keep following up. Yes, immediate obedience is what gets adults into the murky quicksand in the first place. What they don't know is that they are slowing splattering their child in the muck as well. Slowly, the child is going to get accustomed to this behaviour, normalizing it in a way. We are sculpting our children emotionally to accept this behaviour and get immunized by it.
We can get them to obey us and act in a disciplined manner for a while, after which they'll stop listening till you get the big guns out, every time. This is where it becomes a habit. A habit that will cause an exponential decline in the parent-child relationship. Children could start distancing themselves from us and live outside our bubble. Let's think of it this way, how would you feel about a person who constantly talks to you by yelling? Would you understand their point of view and be close with them anyway? Or would you keep an arm's distance from them? The same applies to children. They'll lose their trust on us and forget the safe and secure feeling they had with us.
Keeping that argument in mind, wouldn't we want to make a change in us if someone kept shouting at us? Then why don't children start listening, too? You would think that since they complied the first few times, you wouldn't have to yell at them again and that they'll start co-operating when you talk to them normally. No, it won't work and ironically, the yelling is the reason why.
WHY DON'T THEY START OBEYING?
Surprisingly, that is caused by the constant shouting for anything that needs to be done. They'll see the high voice as a threshold for the chore or whatever you are telling them to do. So, if you ask them to do a chore in a lower voice, they'll know that nothing is going to happen even if they ignore that request and that's exactly what they do. They'll wait for you to shout, because it'll give them some extra time to continue what they are currently doing. This turns into a vicious, loud cycle. They'll always only react after you shout for a while.
Eventually, it is going to ruin the bond the child has with the parents and the child will start shutting them out. They'll feel like they are being nagged to leave things in which they hold their interest to do a boring chore. We need to learn to respect what they want, too. The solution here is to come up with a way by which we can request children to comply with our requests without having to raise our voices.